Always happy for those little glimmers of hope

Well, another birthday has come and gone with no pregnancy or baby to show for the year. This birthday was filled with highs and lows, but the most important thing was that it ended on a high note.

I'm sorry that there haven't been much posts on my blog lately, but we have kind of been consumed with something the past couple of months and have spent a lot of time in preparation for an adoption that sadly didn't go through.

THE STORY:
In October when we had our last miscarriage, my cousin in Kansas reached out to me and so generously offered to be a surrogate for us. Knowing that we still had a couple of embryos left, she wanted to give us the option of carrying our child in hopes of giving us our dream of being parents. After some discussion with her doctor and my doctor, we realized that it just wasn't going to be in the cards for us. She then asked us if we would be open to adoption. Of course, we told her that we would if it was on our terms and private, not through an agency of any kind.
Long story short, she came to me about the possibility of an adoption. There was a young girl that she knew of that was 30 weeks pregnant and considering adoption. After several conversations with this girl, Ken and I made the decision to drop everything and travel to Kansas where she lived to meet with her, at her request. One long weekend in February, we drove the 1,000 miles there to spend about 3 1/2 hours with her over dinner discussing this baby, the adoption and our plan. The meeting went well, and we prepared to have a little baby in a few weeks. We came home and got busy with an attorney and buying up stuff for the nursery. I remained in contact daily with the birth mother and kept in touch with the "baby daddy" via text message every couple of days.
As the induction date got closer, it seemed that this girl was getting a little wishy washy about her decision, so long story short...we made the decision to walk away. It was just too much emotionally to get involved and her change her mind at the hospital after this baby was born.

Ultimately, it was our decision that we walk away, and although it was a tough one, we just knew that for self preservation, we needed to step back. It was one of the hardest decisions we had to make, but strangely enough, I feel that it was the right decision.

God has our hearts in the palm of his hands, and I know there is something better coming. And should we be blessed with another adoption possibility or even a miracle child of our own, we won't be sharing the news with anyone. It is just too much to have to have them go through our hurt too if something should fall apart.

Thank you for all the prayers and support, it means so much to both of us.

It's been a while...

Hi friends!
I know it has been a while, but with the holidays and my dad here visiting, and of course the move...I have just been turning every which way but loose!
So, it's a new year and I'm sure many of you have made your new years resolutions for 2012. I'm definitely making some, and praying that this year brings much more happiness than last year brought.
Dad has since gone back home to FL to start enjoying his retirement. I'm still hoping he will make the decision to move up here closer to us, but...it doesn't look like that is going to happen anytime soon.
Ken is still working that same job, although we had hoped that with the new year he could start with a new job where he is appreciated, respected and paid accordingly...if you know what I mean.
I'm still jobless, or as I like to say..."a temporary housewife". I did have my first interview in ages this week, but I don't feel very good about it. I am definitely out of practice when it comes to interviewing.
As for the new place, we are really liking it very much so far. We love our neighbors and can't wait for warmer weather so we can have some cook outs. It has been quite chilly here the past couple of days.
I'm slowly getting the house arranged and decorated the way that I would like to. I'm going to take some photos tomorrow though and upload them here. I have some areas that I am not completely sure about how to decorate and I would love some input.
We are looking/shopping around for some new living room furniture. We have seen a few pieced that we like, but not too fond of the price tags that come along with them. We can't really decide if we want a cloth fabric or leather. Although we don't have kids YET, we do have dogs, so this is something that we have to really consider. The only thing we do know for sure about is that we want something reclining.

Anyway...I know this is a quick and short post, but I have got to get productive today and get moving my toes cause they are freezing!

I pray that you all had a safe and fun Christmas and New Years. May 2012 bring us all our hopes and desires!

Recap of our cruise...and move!

Hey everyone!
I know that it has been a while since I have posted, actually...lots has happened since my last post. We had Thanksgiving, and went on our wonderful cruise to Aruba and Bonaire (Southern Caribbean). So...let me catch you all up.

Thanksgiving morning we woke up to some plumbing issues in the bathroom of our apartment. For some reason, the toilet started to overflow and it took Ken 30 minutes of continuous plunging to get the water to go down in the camode. We decided that we would turn the water off to the toilet and head off to the in-laws to celebrate turkey day. We just didn't have time to sit around and wait on a maintenance person.
We had a fantastic time visiting with family and eating lots of great food, but we had to cut the visit short so we could come home and get some rest before heading out on our drive to Florida. Our plan was to leave around midnight, so we knew we needed some rest.
When we got back to the apartment, we tried the toilet again...and once again it overflowed...UGH! Just what we need right before leaving for vacation. We looked in the shower and we had about 4 inches of water in the bottom of the tub. REALLY????
At this point, we knew that it was something that a plumber was going to have to fix, and their standard maintenance man was not going to be able to get anything accomplished alone. We called the after house maintenance, and he had a plumber there within an hour and half. THANK GOODNESS! But, wait a minute, it took him a few hours to get the job done. By now it was 10pm and we hadn't gotten to bed yet. SO, we just decided to go ahead and get on the road then.
Thankfully, the drive was not bad at all, and traffic was very light. We got to dad's about 6:00am and went straight to bed. We were pooped.
Friday we just spent the day at dad's relaxing, then went to dinner with dad and the downtown lighting of the Christmas tree in Eustis. Of course, I couldn't be in town without going to my favorite little shop, The Peddler's Wagon. I simply love that store. Below are some photos.

That's their little shop cat (which happens to be a rescue)

Saturday morning we got up early, had breakfast and made our way to Fort Lauderdale to Port Everglades to jump on board our cruise ship for the week, the Crown Princess!

After dealing with a major parking fiasco with the company we had "pre-paid" parking for the week with, we finally went to our usual lot, got on the shuttle and made our way to the ship.

Although we were not impressed at all with Aruba or Bonaire, we really did love our cruise (as we always do) and are ready to make plans for our next one. Hopefully with a couple of great friends of ours in tow.

These are just a small bit of the photos from our cruise. I have more posted on my facebook page!

 Before we set sail from Ft. Lauderdale (7 other ships in port with us)

 Checking out the Sanctuary (Adults Only)

 Aruba skyline (a little overcast)

 They decorated the boat while we were in Aruba

 Docked at Bonaire

Us out dancing on the 1st formal night (I do have a top on, trust me)

 

Anyway, after the cruise we drove straight back to NC and got prepared to move to our new Townhome. We are starting to get settled, and ready for dad's visit in a few short days. Once I get things how I want them, I will be sure to post photos! But...with all this moving, you wouldn't know we just stepped of a cruise ship a couple weeks ago. I'm ready for another one!

Thanksgiving Memories

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and this really starts the time of year that is my utmost favorite! I remember growing up and how we would celebrate Thanksgiving. We would always have a family breakfast at the table, dad, grandpa, grandma and me in a circle around the table eating one of my grandmothers wonderful breakfasts. They weren't 5 star restaurant meals, but they were better than any 5 star dinner I have had, because my grandmother made it. There would be home made "nibblies" as my dad would call them (your every day chex party mix), but not made in a microwave like the box directions tell you, but baked for an hour in the oven, lovingly stirred every 15 minutes so they cooked evening. Dad and I would plop down on the couch while grandpa would find his favorite "napping" place in his AND MY favorite papasan chair to watch the traditional Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. It was paradise for me growing up, just snuggled in the arms of my daddy singing along with the Broadway songs with my grandpa as they played out during the parade.
Grandma was always catching up on her diary and starting the wonderful Thanksgiving day meal that was to come later in the afternoon. The smells in the house were so abundant, but so wonderful. How I wish I could wake up tomorrow morning, come out to the living room (now filled with boxes for our move) and see that scene, including grandma and grandpa of course, and smell those heavenly smells.
Many times we would have friends or distant family over for the Thanksgiving meal, and those were always fun too. With grandpa being a retired preacher, it seemed like people who weren't technically our family were still family and always welcome at our table.

On particular Thanksgiving, the four of us rented a Dodge Caravan (early 80s) and drove from our home in Orlando, FL to my great-grandmothers house (grandpa's mother) in Vermont. It was a long drive, but it was one of the best Thanksgivings I can remember. She had no idea we were coming and boy was she surprised. With all the families together that year there must have been about 40 gathered around the table, with lots of laughs and tears and love and thanks, which is just what Thanksgiving is about! Grandpa made a brief stop in New York City on the way back home, so brief that he dropped my dad and I off at a light and let us walk around as he drove around the city waiting on us. We went into Macy's (boy what a store, and the holiday scenes in their windows were simply amazing and of course beautiful), we made a pit stop into Radio City Music Hall so I could see where the "Rockets" danced, and checked out a few things in between. I do remember that it was so crowded with people in taxis and many just walking the streets and sidewalks. As a young girl, you can bet my dad had a good strong hold onto my hand. I just couldn't believe how many people were out at one time, but I also though, "man, what an amazing place!"

Back then, and even today our Christmas tree was NEVER up this early, and years ago, you never saw anyone's trees up this early...we actually would wait until AFTER Thanksgiving. Wow, what a concept, huh? Our family (my dad and I that is) still wait to put the tree up until the first week in December.

This Thanksgiving I am just so thankful for so many blessings, even though this has been one of the hardest years I have had to face, with the miscarriages, and struggles, and uncertainty, I still feel so incredibly blessed. Blessed for the love of an amazing husband, who loves like nothing I could have ever imagined to receive. Blessed with a marriage like my precious grandparents had for 64 years. Blessed with the best father a girl could ever ask for, and a relationship with him that just grows stronger with each passing year. Blessed with a great extended (in-law) family who is so incredibly dear to my heart. Blessed with amazing memories with two of the best people ever to walk the earth, who helped raise me into the woman I am today, but most importantly, for the love that the Lord shows me every day, even when I am really un-loveable it seems. I'm so thankful for his grace and mercy and for his forgiveness when I falter and fail as a human, and for lifting me up and walking beside me through some of the darkest times of my life. I also thank him for putting that girl, Linda, in my path today. I needed that conversation, and to hear someone, some stranger that doesn't know what I have gone through simply say, "I will pray for you"... I needed that more than I knew.

Grandpa and Grandma have since joined the other angels in heaven, but as they look down on this earth and watch me from heavens windows, I hope and pray that they are proud of the woman, daughter, wife and person I have grown into. I thank them for all the wonderful memories, not just of Thanksgiving, or Christmas....but for all the memories that flood my mind. I cherish each and every one of them.

I had hoped to have a "thanksgiving" picture to share of grandma, grandpa, dad and me...but with the packing to move bit, well...let's just say it is put up and won't be seen until we are moved and the unpacking begins. So...I had a picture on my computer already of my grandparents, though I thought I would share that.

I pray everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving, filled with amazing memories!!!

Packing Packing Packing

Is there any little packing elves hiding anywhere that you have seen? They really need to come back to me and finish what we have started!

In two weeks it will be Thanksgiving. In two weeks we will be getting ready to head to Florida to set sail on the beautiful Crown Princess cruise ship in Ft. Lauderdale.

The day after we return from our cruise we will be moving to our new townhome. So...I'm not only having to pack for our trip, I am having to get this apartment packed up so that it will be ready for the movers when we return. In other words....I'm kind of overwhelmed.

I am really looking forward to the new place...it's more space and it is in the area we would really like to be in...BUT I TRULY HATE TO MOVE!

I should be so excited about our upcoming vacation, but instead I am concentrating on the move and making sure that everything is taken care of before we can start that vacation. Movers have to be set up, more boxes have to be picked up, clothes have to be packed, apartment needs to be cleaned, the list just goes on and on.

Anyway, either way I will be ready....I HAVE TO BE READY!

Making Changes

For those of you who follow my TTC blog, you already know that I purchased the book "The Insulin Resistance Diet" book by Dr. Cheryle Hart. I've been reading, highlighting, making notes and making lists for some major changes. I'm super excited and can't wait to get started on Monday. Tomorrow, the plan is to hit the local farmers market here in the Queens City and load up on some veggies and fruit. With the change on season coming, it might be our last visit to the market for a while, which is a major bummer. I love going to the farmers market and getting some good produce, definitely much better than what you get at the grocery store.

We are also going to be going to Lancaster (as usual). My dad sought out a place that's for sale when he was here for us after our miscarriage not too far from my in-laws and we are meeting the realtor tomorrow morning to get a good look inside the house and pass that information on to my dad. I'm kind of excited about the thought of my dad moving up here when he retires in mid December. I've been after him to move up here ever since I moved here, and with him excited about a property in Lancaster, it makes me excited too.

On Sunday, there is going to be an awesome preacher at our church, Jeff LaBourg. He preached at our Evangelism Conference a couple years back, and I just love to hear him preach. He is like a good old fashion revival preacher...and always speaks with such passion and fire.

As for the book I bought. I plan on being completely done with it by Sunday and be ready to rock and roll with the "Link and Balance" plan.

Everyone get out there and enjoy the Halloween weekend!

Time to Take CHARGE!!!

Ok friends, after several weeks of thinking, praying and being in a funk. I have decided not to end this journey of TTC. I've decided that I'm not going to let it beat me down, and I'm not going to let it win. It's time to take charge of this difficult thing called INFERTILITY

With that being said, I've decided to keep my TTC blog, A Journey To Conceive live and will continue to blog about my journey (I updated on that blog today, so make sure you check it out!).

This blog is going to also stay fresh and updated, but more about regular life, love, travel, etc... So, for those of you who follow me here now because you followed me on my other blog, I hope you stick around...that is if you find the rest of my life interesting. Otherwise, I hope to see you over there!

Thanks for all the kind emails, support and love you guys have been showing me during this difficult time. Your prayers mean so much to us!