I'm sorry that there haven't been much posts on my blog lately, but we have kind of been consumed with something the past couple of months and have spent a lot of time in preparation for an adoption that sadly didn't go through.
THE STORY:
In October when we had our last miscarriage, my cousin in Kansas reached out to me and so generously offered to be a surrogate for us. Knowing that we still had a couple of embryos left, she wanted to give us the option of carrying our child in hopes of giving us our dream of being parents. After some discussion with her doctor and my doctor, we realized that it just wasn't going to be in the cards for us. She then asked us if we would be open to adoption. Of course, we told her that we would if it was on our terms and private, not through an agency of any kind.
Long story short, she came to me about the possibility of an adoption. There was a young girl that she knew of that was 30 weeks pregnant and considering adoption. After several conversations with this girl, Ken and I made the decision to drop everything and travel to Kansas where she lived to meet with her, at her request. One long weekend in February, we drove the 1,000 miles there to spend about 3 1/2 hours with her over dinner discussing this baby, the adoption and our plan. The meeting went well, and we prepared to have a little baby in a few weeks. We came home and got busy with an attorney and buying up stuff for the nursery. I remained in contact daily with the birth mother and kept in touch with the "baby daddy" via text message every couple of days.
As the induction date got closer, it seemed that this girl was getting a little wishy washy about her decision, so long story short...we made the decision to walk away. It was just too much emotionally to get involved and her change her mind at the hospital after this baby was born.
Ultimately, it was our decision that we walk away, and although it was a tough one, we just knew that for self preservation, we needed to step back. It was one of the hardest decisions we had to make, but strangely enough, I feel that it was the right decision.
God has our hearts in the palm of his hands, and I know there is something better coming. And should we be blessed with another adoption possibility or even a miracle child of our own, we won't be sharing the news with anyone. It is just too much to have to have them go through our hurt too if something should fall apart.
Thank you for all the prayers and support, it means so much to both of us.
