In Need of Fun

So, this week Ken and I have been trying to decide what to do this weekend to have some fun and enjoy time together. We had originally had a quick thought of going to Nashville for the weekend and go to an Opry show, check out the famous bars on Broadway and add a trip to the Country Music Hall of Fame. Although the hotel rates were really good, the drive from Charlotte to Nashville is about 6 1/2 hours...so, we kind of nixed that idea. Besides, with the cruise coming up, we want to save as much as we can so that we can really have a good time on that vacation.
We then had planned on going to the NC State Fair which is held in Raleigh and started up yesterday. Easton Corbin was suppose to be in concert Saturday night, but just as we were getting ready to purchase advanced tickets online, Ken got a tweet (yes, he is following the NC State Fair) that Easton Corbin had cancelled his show due to illness. So, we kind of had a change of heart with that plan as well, since it is a 3 1/2 hour trip to Raleigh.
Finally, we made the decision to go to the SC State Fair which is in Columbia and is only a 1 1/2 hour trip and can be done in one day. We won't have to pay a pet sitter or get a hotel...so more money saved!
Ken has never been to a state fair, so I know he is looking forward to that experience. I'm just looking forward to having a day away from this apartment, where all I think about is..."well, today I would have been 8 weeks" and watching a the boring old tv.
I'm hoping for a day of sunshine, smiles, laughs, fair food, maybe a ride or two, Ken being the "man" and winning some games just to show me he knows how to beat the "system" and making some good memories again.

On another note, I've started with some changes since last week...first of which was a hair cut and color. Pretty drastic actually since I cut several inches off my hair and went quite a bit darker than I was. I will try to post some pictures of before and after on Sunday...as well as a recap of our day at the fair.

Trying to move on

One of my friends on Facebook had a status this morning that read:

"Pictures may speak a thousand words, but silence answers all the questions."

I've got to admit that probably a week ago I would have completely agreed with that, but this morning I feel completely different. Silence is bringing me nothing....but just silence. I've been trying to wrap my mind around what we have gone through and I honestly just feel like I am the brunt of a big fat joke. I'm having better moments than I did have two or three days ago, but it's times like this, when I am sitting around the apartment, alone...when I feel so lost and empty inside...LITERALLY! I just don't know how to pick myself up from this and move forward, and search for Higher Ground.

One thing I do know is that my heart and mind need to have a break from the journey of trying to conceive and the whole battle with infertility. How long that break will be is still a mystery to me. Right now I feel like it will be forever, but I'm also finding it hard to consider that I will never have the chance to hold a baby in my arms that belongs to me! I have, after all, been struggling with infertility my whole life an have been actively trying to conceive for over 15 years. Right now I am feeling completely defeated.

So...from this day forward, this blog isn't going to be just about trying to conceive...matter of fact, it might never come back around to trying to conceive again...who knows? This new blog is to help me keep my sanity. To get me back to some sort of functioning woman, wife, friend, daughter...that doesn't have her single vision only on the mission of trying to have a baby. My hope is that this blog will help me to put focus on other things. To share some laughter and some fun and some points of view. I think I still have some of that in me...I HOPE!

So, with that being said, for those of you who have followed my Journey to Conceive blog, I hope that you find me interesting enough to continue to follow me as I search for Higher Ground!

Oh, and please bare with me as I do some tweaking to this blog, and make it a little more "pretty" to look at!