Making Changes

For those of you who follow my TTC blog, you already know that I purchased the book "The Insulin Resistance Diet" book by Dr. Cheryle Hart. I've been reading, highlighting, making notes and making lists for some major changes. I'm super excited and can't wait to get started on Monday. Tomorrow, the plan is to hit the local farmers market here in the Queens City and load up on some veggies and fruit. With the change on season coming, it might be our last visit to the market for a while, which is a major bummer. I love going to the farmers market and getting some good produce, definitely much better than what you get at the grocery store.

We are also going to be going to Lancaster (as usual). My dad sought out a place that's for sale when he was here for us after our miscarriage not too far from my in-laws and we are meeting the realtor tomorrow morning to get a good look inside the house and pass that information on to my dad. I'm kind of excited about the thought of my dad moving up here when he retires in mid December. I've been after him to move up here ever since I moved here, and with him excited about a property in Lancaster, it makes me excited too.

On Sunday, there is going to be an awesome preacher at our church, Jeff LaBourg. He preached at our Evangelism Conference a couple years back, and I just love to hear him preach. He is like a good old fashion revival preacher...and always speaks with such passion and fire.

As for the book I bought. I plan on being completely done with it by Sunday and be ready to rock and roll with the "Link and Balance" plan.

Everyone get out there and enjoy the Halloween weekend!

Time to Take CHARGE!!!

Ok friends, after several weeks of thinking, praying and being in a funk. I have decided not to end this journey of TTC. I've decided that I'm not going to let it beat me down, and I'm not going to let it win. It's time to take charge of this difficult thing called INFERTILITY

With that being said, I've decided to keep my TTC blog, A Journey To Conceive live and will continue to blog about my journey (I updated on that blog today, so make sure you check it out!).

This blog is going to also stay fresh and updated, but more about regular life, love, travel, etc... So, for those of you who follow me here now because you followed me on my other blog, I hope you stick around...that is if you find the rest of my life interesting. Otherwise, I hope to see you over there!

Thanks for all the kind emails, support and love you guys have been showing me during this difficult time. Your prayers mean so much to us!

New Hair...and the SC State Fair

Well, as I mentioned, I got my hair done last week...and although I'm not really digging the hair, I am totally loving the color. I had been going  back and forth between whether to die my hair blond or going a darker red, auburn color (my hair is naturally red). After talking to my hair lady from back in Florida (I call her my adoptive mom) and really thinking about the maintenance of going lighter verses darker...I decided on going dark auburn again.
As for the cut, I wanted to go shorter, because frankly...my hair was really starting to bother me at night, and making my neck feel so hot. I searched online for several hours until I came up with a cut I thought I would like to have....

This is the photo I showed my hair stylist. And actually, this was the color I was initially thinking, before changing my mind and going back to dark auburn.

This is what it looked like right after the appointment, once back at home. (Doesn't look much like the photo above, does it?)

So, anyway...I think the cut is a little too short, but I'm really loving the color. I had showed her a picture of me (the same as my blogger profile picture) to give her the idea of color I wanted. For an emailed picture to her and the first time coloring me this color, I think she got it pretty much right on the nose. Now I just have to spend some time playing with my hair to get it the way I'd like to have it. It' just hair though, so it will grow out, and my hair tends to grow out pretty darn quick. Some of that is thanks to the wonderful fertility drugs that are still floating around in my body...even though I haven't been taking any for over 2 weeks now.

Last Saturday we went to the SC State Fair, which is held in Columbia, SC, basically right next to the football stadium that the USC Gamecocks play for home games. Also known as hallowed ground to my husband, who is a die hard Gamecock fan (USC Alumni).

Entering the gate at the fair!

Just inside the gates...Lets look for some fun!

I've got to say that the fair didn't really help take our minds off of our loss. There were so many people there that had very small babies in strollers and I just didn't understand why they would take little infants to the fair. Ken and I truly were beginning to think that it was to rub our faces in the fact that we were no longer pregnant. Crazy, I know...but that's honestly how we felt. There were women there with young children in strollers and pregnant on top of that. There were kids running around lost from their parents (totally ticked me off), and we just felt that everywhere we looked we saw another reminder.

We did have some good fair food though, and definitely saw some sights in the human variety. Contrary to what my husband said, I did NOT come home with any stuffed animals from all those games he was going to play and win. Honestly, there just wasn't anything worth wasting money on for him to win me. I didn't want to bring home some huge Gorilla, or a Banana with dreadlocks (yes, you heard me right)...seemed like those were everywhere. We actually spent most of the day there, but came home and rested for the remaining of the night. Seemed like we walked and walked and walked.



In Need of Fun

So, this week Ken and I have been trying to decide what to do this weekend to have some fun and enjoy time together. We had originally had a quick thought of going to Nashville for the weekend and go to an Opry show, check out the famous bars on Broadway and add a trip to the Country Music Hall of Fame. Although the hotel rates were really good, the drive from Charlotte to Nashville is about 6 1/2 hours...so, we kind of nixed that idea. Besides, with the cruise coming up, we want to save as much as we can so that we can really have a good time on that vacation.
We then had planned on going to the NC State Fair which is held in Raleigh and started up yesterday. Easton Corbin was suppose to be in concert Saturday night, but just as we were getting ready to purchase advanced tickets online, Ken got a tweet (yes, he is following the NC State Fair) that Easton Corbin had cancelled his show due to illness. So, we kind of had a change of heart with that plan as well, since it is a 3 1/2 hour trip to Raleigh.
Finally, we made the decision to go to the SC State Fair which is in Columbia and is only a 1 1/2 hour trip and can be done in one day. We won't have to pay a pet sitter or get a hotel...so more money saved!
Ken has never been to a state fair, so I know he is looking forward to that experience. I'm just looking forward to having a day away from this apartment, where all I think about is..."well, today I would have been 8 weeks" and watching a the boring old tv.
I'm hoping for a day of sunshine, smiles, laughs, fair food, maybe a ride or two, Ken being the "man" and winning some games just to show me he knows how to beat the "system" and making some good memories again.

On another note, I've started with some changes since last week...first of which was a hair cut and color. Pretty drastic actually since I cut several inches off my hair and went quite a bit darker than I was. I will try to post some pictures of before and after on Sunday...as well as a recap of our day at the fair.

Come on brain...make a decision already!

I don't know if it's because of the multitude of things scrambling around in my brain or that I'm truly on the verge of depression or what...but I just can't make a decision to save my life lately. For the past several days, Ken and I have been trying to decide on doing something this weekend. Something to just get out of the house and not focus on what we have gone through in the past week or so. We've been trying to decide whether to go to Myrtle Beach for the weekend, go to Raleigh for the NC State Fair, to go to Columbia, SC for the SC State Fair or maybe even something else. Of course my wonderful husband wants the decision to be up to me, so that I am happy with whatever we do...but truly, it seems like I have NO opinion as to what we do. I do know that I don't want to stay in this house, but what is it I want to do?
Just when we had thought about doing the NC State Fair, last night we saw on twitter that the guy we were hoping to see in concert at the fair cancelled due to vocal problems. It is a 3 1/2 hour trip to the fair, and we would have to get a hotel for Saturday night so we wouldn't have to drive all the way home late at night, which means we would also need to have our pet sitter come in and care for the dogs as well.
The idea of going to the beach really didn't appeal to me because it is "off season" so nothing is really open or going on down that way. There are some good shows and theaters down there, but...they aren't cheap shows either (roughly $50/person). And, I've been to Myrtle Beach a few times...I don't want to just walk through shops and sit in a hotel room.
So, we finally made the decision that the SC State Fair is what we will be doing this weekend. It is close enough where we can do it in a day trip, so no hotel and not pet sitter (cost savings) and it is something that the two of us have not done together...a state fair.
Ken is determined that he is going to be winning me some "stuffed animals"...how cute, but we will see how good he really is at these games. It sounds funny, but the one thing I'm looking forward to is the awesome fair food! Who truly doesn't love a funnel cake, or cotton candy, or corn dogs or any of the other things you can't get on a normal day? The funny thing about that is I have been telling myself since my realization that I was no longer pregnant, that I was going to be busting my butt at the gym and dieting to get more in shape (thanks to the horrible fertility medications) and be prepared for our cruise. I'm talking about dieting and losing weight, and yet I'm getting excited about having fair food.

Anyway, I'm praying that I will find the motivation to get into the gym tonight and hopefully stay focused. Depression is a horrible thing, and I'm so over having it hang over my head. Of course, it's dreary and rainy here today...that doesn't help matters at all.

Trying to move on

One of my friends on Facebook had a status this morning that read:

"Pictures may speak a thousand words, but silence answers all the questions."

I've got to admit that probably a week ago I would have completely agreed with that, but this morning I feel completely different. Silence is bringing me nothing....but just silence. I've been trying to wrap my mind around what we have gone through and I honestly just feel like I am the brunt of a big fat joke. I'm having better moments than I did have two or three days ago, but it's times like this, when I am sitting around the apartment, alone...when I feel so lost and empty inside...LITERALLY! I just don't know how to pick myself up from this and move forward, and search for Higher Ground.

One thing I do know is that my heart and mind need to have a break from the journey of trying to conceive and the whole battle with infertility. How long that break will be is still a mystery to me. Right now I feel like it will be forever, but I'm also finding it hard to consider that I will never have the chance to hold a baby in my arms that belongs to me! I have, after all, been struggling with infertility my whole life an have been actively trying to conceive for over 15 years. Right now I am feeling completely defeated.

So...from this day forward, this blog isn't going to be just about trying to conceive...matter of fact, it might never come back around to trying to conceive again...who knows? This new blog is to help me keep my sanity. To get me back to some sort of functioning woman, wife, friend, daughter...that doesn't have her single vision only on the mission of trying to have a baby. My hope is that this blog will help me to put focus on other things. To share some laughter and some fun and some points of view. I think I still have some of that in me...I HOPE!

So, with that being said, for those of you who have followed my Journey to Conceive blog, I hope that you find me interesting enough to continue to follow me as I search for Higher Ground!

Oh, and please bare with me as I do some tweaking to this blog, and make it a little more "pretty" to look at!